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"Boring my serious young friend? Boring!

Has guarding this vault so long turned your mind to mush?

This is a turnip my friend!  A turnip I tell you!

Harvested by my own hand!

Carved out with my sister’s tender care!

Its core mashed and pulped by my brother’s strong arm,

Distilled as finest vodka to my mother’s old recipe.

The rind scored by my son, soaked in glyth and baked hard and brittle by my daughter!

Boring you say?

Well hold it a whiles and watch the fuse burn - ah - leaves smoulder while I stand well back!


- From the legend of Jannsen Jan, notorious Bank Robber and Turnip Thief"

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